Fine end to a fine week....

I had an informal class by dr y thursday morning, a second of several part sessions. we'll be having this class sampai habis discuss every part of a phd thesis. i missed last week's as i was in kl. met with fellow boat occupant who drove all the way from jitra, she registered july 14 and a northern uni lecturer. ok la at least made a friend. this week dr y discussed writing a literature review, he started off with the common mistakes made by previous candidates like summarizing, reporting previous studies etc. basically lit rev makes the framework "visual" to a reader. to have the framework, that's where one needs to read "thousands and thousands of paper". and not all the papers are used. :)
another analogy dr y uses is that being in the journey is like driving. when you start, you're actually starting your engine and slowly (must be surely). first gear is where you're still trying to find your thing. and this my friends, is done by nothing else but...ha ha READING, READING and READING and READING and ......READING! and you'll gain speed, will go into the second, third and fourth and fifth gear. by a year's time (depending on how fast you change gears) one should be in the fifth gear. how do you know? according the dr y, when you only need to look at the title, read abstract and conclusion, and you can tell what methodology used and what previous research referred, then you know you'll in fifth gear. masa tu lah proposal defence nak dekat. lepas defence, can turunkan gear sikit...:). there is this one guy who is already in fifth gear, and he's planning to present in a couple of months after 6 month being on the boat. word has it that he reads 12 hours a day!!! me???
lepas being at us @ png, went over to mbk. to bayar hutang, duit kutu and of course to catch up with buddies. they had academic meeting at 230 so only managed to talk a little bit. stayed at kd's room and did some reading while waiting for eh. had late tea with eh @ cafe bandar lama :). it was nice to catch up and update each other.
next week, MAJOR MAJOR changes in the household of mfh:
1) fasting month begins
2) helper is no longer around, gone back home
brace yourselves........

p.s. selamat puasa to all!

Preliminary study...

couple of weeks back came up with a set of questions to be used to explore subject matter. today i had a chance to get feed back from sv#2, luckily for me sv#1. sv#2 was kind enough to share her qualitative study interview questions with me, siap bagi copy of consent form and contoh cover letter. wah ni macam betul2 nih :). baru lah ada idea sikit how the questions should look like. ada questions, probing questions and then letak la kat situ (for our own reference) the specific objectives that the questions want to answer. it's quite thorough and could really help me develop my set questions nanti. told them what i feel about the subject matter. dia kata at this point i need to try to come up with a focus, what i want to know. some ideas were thrown out as a guide to me. am really thankful to sv#2. sv#1 also did a lot in helping me gain insights or rather opening up my eyes on things that i might want to try to explore. am hoping to finish refining the questions and have the interview in a 2 weeks, insya allah.

had lunch with ijat, after several hours of trying to get hold of her. was in the library reading. i think studying there is way more comfortable than studying in the cubicle. the cubicle's just too depressing. esok ada talk by dr y, sambungan talk that i missed last week. tomorrow ada plan to have lunch (if sempat) or tea with eh.

Thanks to me...

prior to getting this priviledged leave (yeah right!) we needed to go through interview, lots of forms filling and then presenting at the faculty. my experience if the first two was ok. the panel even mentioned that the proposal was well written. no concerns were raised about me doing another field of expertise. this however was the concern at the faculty during proposal presentation slightly before i got off to us @ png. they started questioning how my application got through and how i am able to get the scholarship when i am not doing the same thing as bba and mba specialization. furthermore they said that there are too many people are now doing on women ent. okay.

eh just called. a few weeks ago the faculty had this proposal workshop for potential scholarship holders. and they mentioned (he the pkie) that the reason for the workshop was that one person (she) has specialization in fin but now she's doing ent...hhhmmmm what are the odds that he was talking about ....me?????!!! and he has the cheek to say that nothing can be done, she has gotten the scholarship. wtf???? this is to prove that people and need to control....just because one can exert SOME power to control....they think they can do anything. narrow minded he is. what do i know, nothing. but one thing's for sure, my presence that june 26 DID leave a mark on those people ha ha!

p.s. one of those things they tell you pre-phd was phd is not about intelligence, it is however is about perserverence. so why masa i present they acted like they were intelligent??

It took us 12 years..

Was in kl during part of the school holidays. kid#1 stayed with cousins most of the time, it was only me and mak and kid#2 most of the time. did some raya shopping for the kids and some shopping therapy for self :). mj was as always annoying, can't believe how me and her can be blood related! sombong sangat, she needs a tight slap from yours truly.

got a chance to see sj, an old friend from secondary school, was nervous but the good one. had dinner with her and bro #2. found out that kakak sj is divorced, with a 3-year old kid. all messy. an interesting thing was the fact that one thing kakak regretted was coming back home from the melting pot. that's it!! sometimes having other family member around can be difficult and damaging! really hoping that kakak is fine. when i heard about her, an image of bro#2 conjured up in mind. boy, this D thing is so happening! according to bro#2 in s'gor alone 20,000 Ds take place each month! 20,000!!! and this ranges from young people to people in their 60s...somehow after taking the shit for berpuluh tahun at one point one dah tak tahan lagi dah and have to ask for it..

dinner that night went from chilli to kedai mamak (with slippery floor) at gardens. had so much fun actually. hope could do it more often. a million thanks to sj for a lovely lovely night.

dah balik rumah on saturday, good flight kid#2 slept the whole way, kid#1 bought a luggage tag (RM8) and now safe in the arm (ha ha!) of mfh.

p.s. teringin nak makan japanese food @ the gardens...yummy chicken teppan.....

Blockage...

n***m, wim, f**a..the list goes on. these are only some "bodies" established to "help" women ent in the development in the hope to improve their contribution to the nation. my question is...are they really any good? i mean take wim, for instance, clicked articles, what came out was a photo was a long ago ministry and the date of the event was 1997!! i mean even the photos in the site was circa 1980s. maybe it's a generalization, but will explore the rest for confirmation.

help! help!

Weekly defense

School of mgt has its weekly proposal defense session on mondays 2.30 pm. sv1 advises that we go hear the presentation so as to be aware of questions and concerns of the people involved. have attended its last two sessions, both of which are scary and intimidating. sv1 says listen to the questions put up by the examiners so in the hope that it would help us create our researches. well he's actually right. listening to the presentation makes me think and makes me become a little critical of things (i don't think i was ever critical before this). however, i do think that the slides are too wordy. is it supposed to be that way? is that some kind of format that we have to follow? need to find that out...today's defense was on satisfaction of festival. so so, she was quite sure of the things she wanted to do (aren't we all supposed to?). examiners questioned her framework, methodology and questionnaires. but this was not as bad as last week's!

today, i met up with two mbk mates, one of which is already in the journey for one year, the other is k crv who happens to be interested in the journey but still unsure of things. it was good to talk to them although such short time. talked about the phd room. ha ha although it's good to be there and mingle, personally i think it's just depressing. maybe i'm still new there, that's why.

mj is coming tonight, she's getting some pizza for dinner, while abg got some chinese food for dinner. yummy. tomorrow night me and kids are headed for kl, balik kampung since it's the school holidays. but still need to work though. can't wait to meet up wt kl yeay! although a bit reluctant coz of the recent developments at home. but fret not, i'll probably occupy myself with stuff and outings :). but am going to miss mfh though. these trip always make me sad inside. leaving him here, but he does not have leave. i am sorry....

still trying to come up with the mind map and some form of "title" that i could work on as a start. was thinking of writing small papers and exploring small stuff to help me see the bigger picture, like 1) the motivations of start-up or 2) study on the development in the northern region 3) financing avenues available and so on. probably work on the first.

My All...

August 14, the day of mfh's commencement at us @ png. kids and me gave him 2 neck ties as present. woke up really early becoz need to be there early AND need to avoid jam @ bridge. when we got there he began to put everything together, the formal shoes, the tie, the robe, the hood and the hunter's hat. it didn't dawn on me how solemn this was. i was taken aback and tears were at the brim my eyes all the way. whenever i thought of him that day i wanted to cry. i didn't go into the hall, my in-laws did. me and kid#1 waited outside from 830 to 12 noon!

at 12 he came out and saw in-laws first. i was at the flower booth getting him purple roses and kinda instructed the guy how the bouquet should look like. the feeling was overwhelming to see him in the getup, with the us @ png folder and all smiles. writing this makes me tear...remembering it all....

it makes me think of how much i want that too. this is why i'm where i am now, searching and searching for things that i have no idea about. this is why i am going through this journey of going to a place that depresses me. this is the reason...for this i thank mfh for the inspiration!

First weekend...

friday only worked from home, kid #2 didn't let me sit at the desk. so had to work on notebook in the living room, with disneyplayhouse on tv! read some, searched some and has a chance to chat with kl and dy. sebak coz dah lama tak chat with them. tomorrow's saturday, mfh planning to take kids out after kid#1 finishes school. i think i want to get some shirts and a pair of pants.

12 august is wedding anniversary, 14 august mfh's graduation and 16 august my birthday.....what a week to look out for!!!!!

Not again...?

early morning before he went off to work, guessed that i'm not off to school today. i asked how did you know? answer: coz u only need to read, no need to go out" and you look like you're going to sleep today....?????????????????????????????????????? bubble is growing slowly but surely...hope it will not burst anytime soon. but at this rate, only time can tell....

went to mbk to do work...happier...calmer me today....
off to do more work!

beginning of the unknown

received 1st assignment from sv1. need to gather: 1) statistics on proposd subject 2) plan for preliminary interview to be more familiar with them. Asked is possible to start from scratch and end on time, he said ok. adalah semangat sikit, added to semangat from sv2 semalam.

was planning to have this the first day, but didn't have time. so to recap activities since 1st day, here goes...

8/1/08 - registered, went well but had to wait until 3 for id card to be made. made appt to se sv2 but lucky for me both are around and thus had a chance to talk to both, yeay! both were quite optimistic about the journey and assured that insya allah all will be well, provided need to be CONSISTENT!! tips: sv2- write one page a day sv2- try reading 10 papers a day (yikes!!!). hadn't walked that much in such a short time, naik bukit, turun bukit. reminded me of alma mater's orientation day...was very disoriented with the new place. p.s. sv2 is only a year older than me!!

8/4/2008 - early morning received 2 missed calls and a msg that looked like this:
D mana kunci bilik off? DR * R***K. WTF??? what the hell is this person's problem??? i've only been gone 2 days!! 2 days!! and still haven't cleared all the stuff and he's giving me this??? talk about sombong!! could it be because of the DR??? so all future DR....please ambil iktibar sikit. so went to mbk to really empty the highly-demanded room. lepaked with eh, ka, kz and others.
the pinnacle of today is that later in the evening, mfh commented that i haven't worked hard enough, and that i watched too much of the tube :(. sleep with a rock in my heart and tears in my eyes.

8/5/2008 - went to the library, the post grad office (which has ladies yg mega merapu!), thesis room and made a beeline to sv2's office. had to see her to talk, wanted to know more about HER journey. very very optimistic. to add to this, we were joined by ds, who says that "if others can do it, you mmg boleh buat, cuma kena tekun and rajin". tips were given, anecdotes were shared, thank you! while waiting outside sv2's office, noticed the surrounding was not as iso-ed as mbk. no flowers, plants at the dept's foyer, no timetables stuck on notice board (let alone CH!), so diff from mbk. started wondering why would anyone be hard up for cert but performance wise still questionable?? is it not ok to work normally, as long as deliver?? does cert quality?points to ponder....