Raya...

Raya is close, very close, in fact it's 24 hours away! mfh says he's sad that ramadhan's over. coz satan will be unleashed. me? mixed feelings. am sad that it's over and that am still behind the "amalan masa ramadhan" part, way behind. but relieved that it's over coz no more cooking while others are sleeping! no more peeling myself off the bed to prepare a "wholesome" meal for the boys. at least for next 11 months, no more of this -lah :). am excited for raya coz i get to go back to kl. don't know if will have time to visit mi, and sj and so.

today i met up (after 11 years) in facebook with ri. a long lost friend, used to be very close during wazzu days. gathered courage and request him to be friends, syukur he accepted. were exchanging messages. rini has 2 kids, living in kl. hani's homemaker with 3 kids, nina is in dubai and man is in miri. am glad everyone's okay. not sure if rini and nina will accept my request though. just don't know what happened. am not trying to point fingers but right now i would like to be in touch (again) with those 3.

am supposed to make a cheese cake (or 2!) and hopefully a chocolate cake. but am not physically ready (ha ha!) have got the stuff out of the fridge. tomorrow am planning to go marketing to get tauhu, lengkuas and kacang panjang. nak masak kuah lodeh and sambal goreng. boleh ke?? must try! must plan!

to all - selamat hari raya and maaf zahir batin!

What...

this is the word that's in my mind ALL the time, all the time. what....is my interest? what...is the phenomenon? what....is the problem? what....possible theory (ies)? what? what? what? i know i haven't read enough. but can't help it...WHAT TO DO!!

A week in restrospect......

It's been slightly more than a week that i'm helper-less. desperate at times but happy at most. at least things can be done MY way. no more screaming at kids, no more talking back at me, no more awkward situations of her lying down in the living room, no more using kids' creams/ medicine....geram!! and no more talking behind my back about things i don't do....man, the things i put up for 3 years!! those are some things we have to live with if the helper is old, much older than we are and kononnye tau apa nak buat...cheh! but thankful jugak she has helped me jaga rumah. at least berkemas gak la for last 3 years :).

Pride?? Not!

Wednesday they announced us @ png as the A**X university, where it will get many priviledges such as having more autonomy in their decision making. there were 8 other u's in the running for the position, but at last it went to us @ png. well done! dr y was discussing it in class on thursday. with all pride and full of support of his big boss. it made me think of MY pride with MY big boss and MY u. to show what i feel is the excerpt of email correspondence with eh discussing this pride thing...

"this morning, dr y was talking abous us @ png getting the a**x university, i could see pride in his face, excitement. macam so full of support with his vc's moves which obviously has benefited usm. but i asked myself, masa i baca "u**m finalist a**m", do i feel the pride?? when mbk terima i.s.o, proud tak? i found myself saying tak rasa apa2 and borderline no. so macam mana? where is the pride we should have for u**m? of course if we ask people like w.i mmg la kot he's proud, but try asking org2 biasa macam kita2 ni. it's sad ....but then again, this is all my feelings and opinion and just sharing it....."

but then again dr y is somebody @ the u. me? small fry pun tak at mine. it's not that i hate my u, it's just things should be different somehow. maybe people should different, the goals should be realligned, issues may not be politicized.

p.s yang pasti sangat thankful to have this opportunity to further my studies.....muah!

Changes ahead...

Helper went back home saturday. All went to send her off at lcct. she was already sad the day before, caught her crying several times. i was surprisingly cold. her checking in process was HELL. her bag was too heavy, had to remove some stuff to another bag. bought a new bag to stuff the excess, then her cousin came at the last minute having more stuff to bring home and she had to check two more bags in. her flight ticket was rm 400+ and with the amount she + us had to pay for the luggage (rm800) it totals up to rm1200.

bak was annoyed with the fact that these people brings home too much stuff and end up paying more than they should. and the sad thing is where they're going ada gak barang2 tuh. tak pe mentality yang tak berapa betul ni susah nak diperbetulkan. i was totally indifferent about her bags issue, as it was her problem totally, pandai2 la jawab nanti, berat ke tak boleh masuk cabin ke whatever. right after checking in, it was already time for her to board (actually dah lambat pun). so in haste she ran in to the boarding hall, no salam, no hug, not a single tear. come to think of it, she didn't even look at us! it's actually a good thing, want to skip all those, for the good of kids. lega rasanye makcik tu dah balik! but reality has yet kicked in..:)

spent the weekend at usj. jln2 at gardens and had haircut. and for the first time in several years, we had 1st day sahur at usj. started journey home around noon, by 500 were already home. straight away did the laundry, lipat baju, mfh began moving stuff into helper's room. now there's space in the kitchen and the "dining". i keep telling myself "i can do this!" it's way better than having to put up with muka masam and jerit2 at the kids.

a new month, am hoping to do more than i have the first month, maybe boleh try compete with the guy who reads 12 hours a day, ha ha who knows!

p.s. fadz, sorry tak buat paragraph..my bad